– tetsu-san, you’ve declared that you don’t cook at all, right?
[I’ve said that I don’t cook. Before, I used to work so that I really wouldn’t have to cook at all. It was so I could build an unrealistic world for myself. As an artist (laughs). Now, though, I think cooking is an art too, in a way. But still, I don’t cook and I never have. There are lots of other reasons, too. Partially, it’s because of my neat freak side, because I like beauty, and because I think that anything I cooked myself would make me sick. If I were going to cook, I’d have to wash my hands really carefully, make sure all the utensils and stuff are as clean as possible, there’d be no end to it. I’m sure that sometimes, food other people make isn’t that clean, but I didn’t see them make it so it’s okay. I only worry if I see it. “Wash those plates properly,” and so on. Anyway, it’s like if the utensils need washing, I want to do it myself and make sure it’s done right, or something. I’m not a very trusting person so I don’t want to leave it to others, the washing that is. So, if I were to cook for myself, I’d get way too picky and it would take forever. That’s why I decided I wouldn’t (laughs). I figure there’s got to be lots of people who are good at cooking. Such as knowing the right amounts of seasoning on their own. Me, I’d measure it precisely. “Leave it this many minutes to be OK,” and stuff too. Doing all that would be so tiring, wouldn’t it? I think cooking is really something you need to be more relaxed about. I probably can’t do that, so I won’t cook at all. Just like how I don’t want to try my luck on weird things, I don’t want to get worked up over weird things either.]

– Ah, I understand. But, don’t you occasionally decide to try and cook something? As a man interested in cooking, that is.
[No, I don’t. Cooking utensils? I think I’d want to place all the knives and pots in order. I already keep all my other tools in order, so it’s pretty similar. “Woah! That’s a cool knife!” Whenever that happens, I take it home and find the right spot for it (laughs).]

– Really? You keep them in precise order!? Even so, you never use them yourself.
[I never use them, no.]

– You’ve never used them even once, in all the time you’ve lived on your own?
[No, I haven’t. Even if I used one, I’d keep saying I hadn’t. For things more complicated than instant ramen, I have to. Like when I’m boiling noodles. When I boil pasta noodles, I’ll use instant sauce to go with them. But you know, boiled noodles taste the best. Because the water temperature, the amount of seasoning, and the proportions are so specifically measured.]

– Right, right. Though, you have a delicate palate, don’t you, tetsu-san? In the end, people like you end up not wanting to cook for themselves. The common consensus is that a gourmet’s cooking will taste better, right?
[Yeah. If it was my job, I’d do it. Since it’s not my job, I don’t want to. Cook, that is. I think it’d be horrible to give up on being a musician to become a cook.]

– It certainly sounds dreadful. Right now, all your meals are take-out, right?
[That’s right.]

– You eat out every day, but once in a while, don’t you think it would be nice to taste some homemade food, just like your mother used to make?
[Well, you know, I never really had much homemade food at all. I don’t know what my mother’s cooking tasted like. Now, when someone asks me “Do you remember any flavours?” I can’t answer anything but “No.” There isn’t even a single food I start to crave once in a while. I figure it must be tough, having cravings. Anyway, I’m OK with eating out. Wherever and whatever I eat, I usually find it tasty. Of course, I know some delicious restaurants, too.]

– You might be right about cravings being hard to deal with. However, your way seems a bit lonesome.
[People might think so from hearing me say it, but personally I think “I’m so lucky~”. These days, I don’t eat convenience store bentou (1), but back when I first moved out on my own, I thought “Convenience store bentou is pretty tasty.”]

– That’s an interesting story. Then, what if a girl prepared some food for you? Would it make you happy?
[No, well, I’m okay with it now, but I used to hate that. It kinda made me sick. It’s not that my mom’s cooking was especially delicious or anything, but I never ate anything made by anyone but her. Know what I mean?]

– (laughs) So, I suppose you don’t recall any particular thing a girl cooked for you, either?
[Now though, if a girl cooks something for me, it makes me happy. I know some people whose wives are great cooks, so talking to them makes me think “Must be nice.” Talk to them and they’ll say that going home to eat tastes better than going out ever could. So I figure they must go home for their meals every day. Lately, thinking about it objectively, I figure it’s better for a girl to be a good cook. But, if I were to get married, I think I’d more or less be my wife’s helper. It’s not because I especially want to help out with that, though. It’s just that if I didn’t, I’d seem like a typical Japanese husband. Western husbands help out their wives, don’t they? That’s just how I’d want to be. I could get drunk on myself if I was that way (laughs).]

– Interviewer : Kikuchi Keisuke
Translated by Natalie Arnold

1. Bentou is a typical Japanese lunch, packed in a box. It usually contains a variety of food that can easily be eaten without needing further preparation, so these boxes are popular as school or office lunches. Convenience stores often sell bentou for much less than a restaurant would, but naturally these cheap meals aren’t renowned for their taste.
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