This is the translation of the 100 Questions segment that is distributed through ken’s book, IRON MAIKEN. The book itself is a collection of interviews by ken where he is questionning other artists. Only this 100 questions segment contains questions for ken himself.

The original version uses many different font sizes for emphasis, so I have tried to reproduce that, within reason. Some questions don’t make much sense; some answers make even less sense.

Enjoy!

BEGIN

1 – What did you have for supper yesterday? Please tell us the menu.

SUSHI

at work.

I got take-out with a manager who was working late. There were three of us so I got food for three, but then more people came, so I only got to eat maybe 0.3 portion’s worth.

2 – Gold or silver, which do you prefer? Also, why?

It’s best to have BOTH, isn’t it? I used to have one, a flashy necklace with both in it. I really wanted to wear gold, but silver goes more with this kind of music, you know.

3 – When you brush your teeth, where do you start?

I have a tendency to only brush my top left teeth, so I NEED TO PRACTISE BRUSHING MY TEETH! These days, I have a brush with a thread that goes between the teeth, so you know I’m doing it right.

4 – Which shoe do you put on first?

I’m bad at running jumps. Um, I just put on whichever shoe is closest to my feet when I get to them, I gotta get better at making either the left or the right foot get there first.

5 – Have you ever smelled your own socks? When did you last do it?

Well, my body is kinda stiff, so I CAN’T SNIFF THEM.

6 – How do you sleep?

Lately, ON MY SIDE. If you meant clothing, I wear super-thin pyjamas. I’m looking for good ones I can use in winter.

7 – Why do heavy metal people have long hair?

To alleviate their manliness. Or it could be so that a small movement will look like they’re moving a lot more.

8 – Please write three words that represent the image of metal in your mind.

BLACK. LEATHER. Wristband. (I almost wrote NOTEBOOK.)

9 – Have your arms ever stiffened up while you were playing guitar? If so, please tell us how it went.

In lives when I play the drums, my arms get sore and then I have to go back to guitar, so I’ve had to play guitar like that, with stiff arms. That reminded me of THE FIRST TIME I PLAYED STANDING UP.

10 – What do you like about your body?

My fingers and arms are long, it’s easy to play guitar.

11 – What do you dislike about your body?

I can’t do meilomancy. (1)

12 – If you were French, what would your name be?

PATRASCHE! That’s French, right? But I don’t want to be Patrasche. (2)

13 – If you could switch places with someone for just one day, who would you pick?

CRAYON SHIN CHAN. Naive is good, right?

14 – If you became invisible, what’s the first thing you would do?

I’d probably go outside, but since no one else could see me I’d have to WATCH OUT FOR CARS.

15 – What smells do you like?

SWEET SMELLS! ♥

16 – What smells do you hate?

Smells that make me go “I definitely don’t wanna eat that.”

17 – What texture do you like ?

Sooooft~ Squishy, like jelly. And melty and gooey, too.

18 – What texture do you hate?

THORNY and SPIKY. Oh and you know that one you should never touch, like SUPER STICKY.

19 – What do you think about when you pick out your clothes?

I don’t check the washing label, but I look for tough stuff that looks washable .

20 – What’s the most important point to check when picking out a new guitar?

SOUND!

Basically, if it sounds good, it’ll look good too.

21 – You picked up a kitten. What will you name it?

PATRASCHE probably isn’t a good name. It’s too dogish.

22 – You picked up a turtle. What will you name it?

I’m not adopting a TURTLE.

23 – When you get home and walk through the front door, what’s the first thing you see?

GUNDAM KYRIOS.

24 – Is there anything you want to get rid of?

Even though there’s lots, I don’t know what to say. Oh, maybe chargers I don’t use anymore.

25 – You start your own heavy metal band. What do you call it?

I’d use the member’s initials. You know, like KAT-TUN did.

26 – You’re a reporter being sent to the Beijing Olympics. What events do you cover?

The Olympic Village.

27 – Is it ever a bother, having such long legs?

It is when I have to ride a tiny train or bus.

28 – If you were going to get plastic surgery, what would you fix?

My SKIN and HAIR.

29 – If you had 5 000 000 yen to spend on a present for 50 000 fans, what would you do?

Take them CAMPING in the countryside. The campsite could stay open all year!

30 – Think back to the time when you admired metal the most. Name one song that best fits that time.

ROCK HARD RIDE FREE by JUDAS PRIEST.

31 – “Dumb”, “Stupid”, “Idiot”, “Moron”; which hurts you the most?

If I could be hurt by things like that, I couldn’t live.

32 – “You’re the worst”, “I don’t believe this,” “Stop,”; at what point in your life were you most hurt by these words?

If I were ever hurt like that, I couldn’t live.

33 – What’s your favourite karaoke song?

BRINGIN’ ON THE HEARTBREAK by DEF LEPPARD.

34 – If you became a doctor, which specialization would you pick? Also, tell us why.

Plastic surgery? To help people be beautiful.

35 – Tell us a useful trick you’ve learned to do by training your fingers to play guitar so fast. If you don’t have one, please make one up.

I CAN WIPE MY BUTT WITH MY LEFT HAND.
In stressful times, it’s good training to do this with my left hand. I play very fast, so of course I wipe fast, too.

36 – If you became a teacher, which subject would you pick?

VISUAL ARTS. POTTERY.

37 – When are you glad to like metal? Please give a specific example.

When I get to make a book. (This book).
When I’m lonely or something, I play some metal and it passes the time quickly.

38 – Which three metal albums would you bring to a deserted island?

Vandenberg (Myth of the Netherlands) by VANDENBERG; Defenders of the Faith by JUDAS PRIEST; Heaven and Hell by BLACK SABBATH.

39 – Which three metal albums would you give to an alien?

If I got to go to space, I’d care more about enjoying the experience.

40 – Please name three foods that match your image of metal.

Don’t push it.
Hamburgers, hijiki (3), beef stroganoff.

41 – What’s your ring tone?

It’s

DODODODODODODODOOOOOOOO~

42 – If you had to play a very fast song first thing in the morning, what would it be?

Right now, TOO LATE by Vandenberg.

43 – If you couldn’t smoke anymore, what would you chew on during shows?

Something soft.

44 – What’s your secret hobby?

Washlets. (4)

45 – Please reveal one of your secrets.

Didn’t I just do that?

46 – Please name your three favourite dams around the world.

HOOVER DAM, KUROBE DAM, MIBORO DAM.

47 – If you were reincarnated as a dog, what kind of dog would you be? Also, what kind of human would you want to live with?

An easygoing DOBERMAN.
Anyone’s fine as long as they feed me.

48 – Name the metal musicians you most want to have a jam session with.

Seeshon, sesshion, s-chon, setsshion, SESSION!(5)
Wow, that was hard to type. I had to fix it five times.

49 – You’re playing a guitar solo, then your back starts to itch, and you really, really need to scratch it. What do you do?

Shake the guitar around, use the strap to SCRATCH myself.

50 – Mohawk or dreadlocks. Which is worse?

DREADLOCKS.

They take effort, right?

51 – Policewoman, nurse, flight attendant. Which would you prefer to cosplay?

I’ve already done the policewoman one.

52 – Write a 5-7-5 haiku using the words heavy metal. (No need for seasonal words.)

Even still today
My heart is penetrated
by Heavy Metal

53 – How do you always manage to look so young?

NATURALLY?

It’s because I play guitar.

54 – If you didn’t have guitar, what would you have?

Time to play with my friends.

55 – How much of a “ken model guitar” is actually done by you?

Um, you realize that I don’t cut the wood myself or anything, right? It’s not “made by ken”, it’s “ken model”. That said :

100%!

56 – For some reason, you have to do a cover of a heavy metal song. As a guitarist, which song would you pick?

Too Late by VANDENBERG.

57 – Earthquake alert! If you could only take one thing with you, what would it be?

WOAH! EARTHQUAKE!

I’ve never had to run from one, but I always make sure to keep a flashlight nearby. I haven’t turned it on in years, though, I should go check it.

58 – If there were no time limit, how many bowls of wanko soba do you think you could eat?

Considering how I was doing before, probably 30?

59 – How do you like your eggs? With sauce? Soy sauce?

PLAIN.

Lately, yeah.

60 – If you became a salaryman, what kind of work would you do?

I dunno. My flashlight is working.

61 – Who is your favourite anime character?

Crayon Shin-chan.
Most of the time, I know exactly what he’s going through.

62 – Leggings or spats. Which do you dislike more?

LEGGINGS -> OLD SPATS
See, I saw that in my dictionary three months ago.

63 – You’re all alone in the entire world….. At a time like that, which metal song would you play?

Fast as a Shark by ACCEPT

64 – What do you find yourself buying at convenience stores?

CHOCOLATE

This question reminded me that I just bought some chocolate, so I went to have a bite.

65 – You have potatoes, carrots, onions, eggs, and ham. What kind of meal would you make with that?

Ham? That sucks. It’d be better with mince. I’ll make an OMLETTE.

66 – What can you cook well?

I melt butter in a frying pan, put in a salt-and-peppered STEAK, then FRY it in wine and serve with a little soy sauce. It’s great!

67 – You’re alone by the sea at twilight in summer. Pick a metal song that suits the situation.

Suffer Me by ALCATRAZZ.

68 – What do you like in women’s fashion?

Ah, there’s this skirt I’ve hardly ever seen. I wanna see it COSPLAYED.

69 – Do you use emoticons in your emails? What’s your top 3?

I hardly ever use them.
When I do, it’s HEARTS and SMILEY FACE.

70 – What do you say when you answer the phone?

“Hello.”

Or I just wait for the other person to talk.

71 – Please name the song that made you realize the wonders of metal.

There wasn’t really a “Eureka!” moment, I just somehow got into it.
It’s like learning to ride a bike; you don’t think about the training wheels.

72 – How do you get rid of cockroaches?

I grab the nearest can of spray or mousse (even if it’s not meant for killing bugs) and SPRAY IT TO HELL.

73 – Do you ever practise flicking picks into the audience?

Lately, yeah.
In big places, there’s a gap between me and the crowd, so sometimes it fails.

74 – Have you ever headbanged so much it made your head spin?

Making yourself DIZZY is the whole point.

75 – You’ve broken a bone and are in the hospital. What get-well present would make you happiest?

A HUMAN INTERSECTION.

76 – Do you think it’s possible for men and women to be friends?

I want to think so, but I honestly don’t know.

77 – Without thinking, write a love confession from a girl.

If it’s not from someone I like, then maybe “I’ve got more confidence than you think ♥ ” or something.

78 – What kind of clothes make you go “I can’t wear this anymore, ever again,” yet you can’t bring yourself to throw them out?

SPOTTED and STRIPED fur coats.

79 – Have you ever bought any artists’ metal T-shirts?

I HAVEN’T. I bought a pouch once, though.

80 – What do you put in your miso soup?

Wakame and fu. (6)

81 – Right after leaving your house, you step into dog droppings. What do you do next?

Go look for a SPRINKLER.

82 – “When this is being served, I can eat three servings!”. What is ‘this’?

As long as it’s not fried, it can be anything.

83 – You’re walking down the street at night when you hear footsteps behind you… Is someone following you? What do you do?

That would suck.

84 – Please describe the perfect situation for listening to heavy metal.

When pedalling extra-hard on a bicycle, and at bed time.

85 – Why are there so many metal subgenres?

It’s all about the heaviness, everyone’s got their own preferences, right. When I first got into it, there weren’t so many genres…

86 – Metal fashion basics. From head to toe, tell us what the requirements are.

What I had was shoulder-length hair, kinda wavy. Long T-shirt, denim jacket, tight jeans, pointed boots, and necklaces.

87 – Why do metal bands change members so violently?

Cause they get bored?
I dunno.

88 – You’ve got to play air guitar. What metal song would you play.

I DON’T WANNA.

89 – What did you play at when you were a kid.

I FISHED FOR CATS.

It’s a new kind of thing where you go fishing at the river but then you take it to a spot where cats might be. Never did catch a cat, though.

90 – What has been the most surprising thing about living in Tokyo?

The way people get take-out so casually.

91 – Name an idol you used to like.

Matsuzaka Keiko.

92 – The pyramids, Machu Picchu, the plates of Nazca. Which do you think is most mysterious?

THE PYRAMIDS

I guess.
I don’t know much about Machu Picchu, but Nazca seems like something pretty doable if you just work hard, right?

93 – Which comedian would you like to have on your side?

OOKI KODAMA.
I don’t mind just seeing him up close.

94 – What do you think of the people who bought this book? Give them a message!

I wonder where you’re planning to read it. Will you read it twice?

95 – What’s your favourite kind of sushi?

Onion and tuna rolls. Temaki or regular maki, either one works.

96 – A girl who looks just like you has just appeared. What do you say to her?!

Um~ Can I get a picture with you?

97 – If you were going to be the head of a company, what would you use as a company motto?

Give and Take and Happiness!

98 – You are out with a girl you get along with, then she gets drunk and passes out. How do you deal with it?

Stay back and watch what happens for a while, then wake her.

99 – When playing guitar, what makes you feel like it’s going great?

I can always tell when I’m about to do something BEAUTIFUL. And well, playing is so much FUN for me, I always feel GREAT.

100 – Throw down the horns!!(7)

This pose makes me feel 5 TIMES more

METAL!!

Translated by Natalie Arnold

1.Meilomancy is the art of predicting the future via the moles and birthmarks on a person’s body. Go back.

2.Patrasche is the name of the titular dog in the novel and anime “Dog of Flandres”.Go back.

3.Hijiki is a sea vegetable that grows on rocks. Very healthy, it is a traditional part of the Japanese diet.Go back.

4.Washlets are the common name for high-tech Japanese toilets. They incorporate such features as blow-drying, bidet washing, and heated seats.Go back.

5.Instead of naming any real musicians, ken wrote the word “session” in 5 different ways, using characters that could potentially appear in a stage name.Go back.

6.Wakame is a type of seaweed that is used in many dishes, especially soups and salads. Fu is a gluten-based meat substitute, often artifically flavoured to seem like various meats.Go back.

7.The answer was accompanied by a picture of ken in a metal pose; the horns are of course the heavy metal devil horn sign.Go back.